LOVE AND MADNESS
Most problems within relationships could be bypassed altogether if either person or both people in the relationship would just stop and acknowledge the other person’s feelings and point of view.
This doesn't mean that you have to agree with the other person or decide that he or she is right (or wrong.) It just means that you are able and willing to comprehend and not dismiss the other person’s sense of things.
We all need to be validated in order to feel like we matter. It’s not so much that our opinions need to be validated; it’s our sense of self that needs to be validated.
WHAT WE THINK,
FEEL AND BELIEVE
IS IMPORTANT TO US
We can all easily become prisoners of our own particular point of view and we all have a tendency to think our point of view is the only correct way of seeing things especially when we are upset.
Unfortunately during the process of sharing our opinions we can sometimes make our partners feel worthless.
The problem compounds itself when we feel like we have to convince our loved ones that we are right and they are wrong.
The real danger is not that we might lose the argument but that we may win it. It’s quite possible that you could win the argument but lose your spouse. Little by little you can lose the love and respect that they have for you.
When the purpose of a conversation is to convince your partner to see things your way the spirit of communication is damaged. Someone will be talking but it’s quite possible that no one will be listening.
The path to all successful relationships involves sharing, caring and understanding. And a big part of this caring process is the willingness to accept your spouse’s opinions as being important to them, even when you don’t agree with them.
EMBRACE THE PERSON
ACKNOWLEDGE THE OPINION
The best way to do this is to always embrace the person beneath the opinion. Acknowledge the opinion being expressed and validate the person who is expressing it.
Realize that even though your spouse may hold a different perspective than you, they probably still have your best interest at heart.
Paul David Cohn
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PAUL & PATSY COHN